10 posts tagged “cmf”
The torch lilies - aka Red Hot Pokers beginning to bloom. There are going to be a lot of them.
The effects of the chemo have continued to accumulate, and I am tired pretty much all the time. However, I haven't been hit with the debilitating fatigue. So, in that respect, the side effects of CMF are milder.
Side Effects of CMF: Tired, nauseated all the time, hair loss (I haven't mentioned that much, have I? LOL), mild neuropathy (tingling and numbness in the fingertips and one toe feels like an ingrown toenail)
Things that I don't believe are side effects: Bone pain in the lower back, ribs, legs and right shoulder and neck. This I believe, is actually from the cancer itself. If not, then the onc and I are going to have to talk.
All in all, this has been the easiest and the hardest chemo cocktail. Easy because I missed out on that excrutiating leg pain, debillitating fatigue, total loss of hair, fingernails and toenails, and the mental disorientation of the 26 weeks of the first rounds of chemo. It's been hard, because this is the first time throughout cancer treatment that I have experienced such nausea. It wouldn't be so bad if the appetite left too - but I want to eat, it just makes me sick. LOL
In light of this, it will be interesting if there is another chemo cocktail to follow, to see what side effects it will bring. Being aware of why I feel like I do, makes it easier to handle.
Rain!!!!! We are finally getting some rain. It has been sprinkling off and on this morning and things do look wet. Barney, of course, does not like this - but the flowers sure do.
I have to say Tuesday went very well. I saw my oncologist for a visit and all my blood work came back good. I now have enough white cells to fight infections (so the immune system has improved), red blood cell count was good, but the thing I was so glad to hear is that my liver function and kidney function are normal. Two more infusions and 14 days more of Cytoxan, and I will be done with this round of chemo. Hopefully there will be a break and everything will be in remission.
It was hot yesterday! And it is supposed to be hotter today. It's too hot to comfortably read in bed, too hot to be on the computer, too hot to want to go anywhere or do anything. LOL I am ready for some rain and a cold snap.
Went out to lunch with the neighbor and we once again had a good visit and pizza. Today is looking like another do as little as possible day.
Those steroids really make for a good day...just a very hungry one. Felt good the biggest part of the day and only laid down for a couple of hours to read. Had a Mac attack and had to get some quarter pounders to satisfy it. The good news was the tumor markers are stable, I see the onc Tuesday, then have maybe two more infusions of chemo. Woo Hoo - there is a light at the end of the tunnel! I imagine there will be another scan to see where the mets are at, and then go from there. Feels good to think that there may be another remission.
The news was good from my oldest chickie. While she has not yet had her surgery, the biopsy on the cysts was benign. That is a relief. My youngest chickie is doing good as well.
Compliments of the steroids, I think I will drive to the office today, see about getting some documents notarized and getting a QCD recorded. While there, I will visit with the coworkers and have lunch with a couple. I do have a little shopping to do if I can manage it after lunch.
It is looking like a beautiful day and since it will be too hot to leave Barney in the car, he will be left home - so the cameras will go with me and I may get some new pics. I do need to get a shot of the Himilayan poppy. I found out from the last one they don't last long.
Enjoyed a beautiful day yesterday...again. And it seems that I use 'yesterday' a lot, but considering I wait to do a post til the next day, it kind of figures in there all the time. LOL Anyway, it was a sunny, but cool, day and I was up for the biggest part of it. Didn't do much - we did go to the casino for a good buffet. It does feel good to feel hungry again, even though it is almost constant and I wonder if the mind is reacting in anticipation of the dose of steroids it will get today.
Another infusion of the two poisons - and I will be done for 2 weeks. I still find it funny that they put on the hazmat gear to give me these infusions because the cocktail is so poisonous and damages skin - but that is what they put directly into the vein to the heart. I am supposed to not touch the chemo pills - just shake them out into the cup - because, once again, they are poisonous. But, I throw them down my throw 14 days a month.
The little sailboat at sea is a lot like me - a small fish in a big pond. Defiantly, I plow my way through the waves in spite of listing now and again.
Beautiful day yesterday. I finally got up and stayed up - even felt pretty good. So, once the stock car race had been postponed, we decided to go out and let the better half fly his kite. I figured Barney would enjoy it as well, so off we went. There was a good wind and jackets were quite comfortable. We watched the kite, but Barney felt that it must offer some kind of a threat - he was real concerned about DH standing out there all alone in the field with this big colorful bird swooping around. We wound up watching from inside the car after not too long though - that wind got pretty chilly. Came home and I was starved, so we had sweet and sour chicken...then off to bed for all of us - we were tired.
I will be having at least one King Tut rose soon and the Clematis still haven't bloomed out, so those are coming. I'm real pleased with the Mrs Robb's Bonnet and Helleboros - they still have the blooms after all this time. Oh yeah, the African daisies are still blooming as well. The best part is, they still live. LOL
I think a hummingbird must have a nest close to one corner of the yard. She is out there buzzing and clicking away when I take Barney out. I will have to remember to grab the camera and try to get a shot. She stays maybe 3 feet away unless she decides to bomb the dog.
My hair seems to be falling out in earnest now. I feel little creepy crawlies up there only to discover that the scalp has let go another bunch of strands. So far, it's not noticeable on my head though. I know I am losing some eyelashes as well - again, feels like little bugs crawling. All this creepy crawling feeling leads to itching everywhere else. LOL Tuesday will be my fourth infusion of the chemo, and my second 14-day span of daily Cytoxan pills. I have been good at taking those four nasty little pills a day when it's time. I keep thinking that I wish there was a way just to shave the head permanently - this way it would save the trouble of growing the hair back only to lose it with the next chemo. LOL
Today I am feeling much better, but not quite normal. I have decided I don't like this chemo at all. I would much rather feel exhausted and have the comfort of snuggling in bed under the quilt for days on end than to have nausea day after day. Fortunately I do have the antinausea meds, but that doesn't stop the queasiness. The upside to this is that I do have times when I can binge - like getting up at midnight and making bbq pulled pork sandwiches. LOL
I know that many women continue working through their cancer, even at Stage IV. My feeling is, why? I worked for years paying into SS, and will likely not be able to draw it if I don't take advantage of it now. For those days when I feel good, it is nice to be able to do the things I enjoy...but then to be able to lay down when I need to for as long as I need to. I would make a lousy employee right now. I also make a lousy friend. I just realized today that I was supposed to meet a friend yesterday for lunch. I didn't make it, didn't remember it, and couldn't have gone if I did remember it, but would have given her the courtesy of letting her know I wouldn't be there. There are things I remember and act on, things I remember and then forget, or things I never remember. LOL
Now, for the exciting news! I got my laptop yesterday and it works! Now I will figure out how to mute the sound and when I get tired of sitting in my computer chair, I can set in my comfy recliner or go to bed and still do things on the computer. It was such an easy setup and I connected to our internet quite quickly and wirelessly. It came with 4 gig RAM, so no worries there and also, I had them install Windows XP Professional instead of Windows Vista. hehehe They did send me the Vista disks if I decide to go that route, but I happen to like XP just fine. It is a pretty midnight blue and has pretty much a full size keyboard.
After having two normal days after Monday, I have come to the conclusion what I experienced was a medical reaction. Something to do with the steroids and the new chemo. After a lengthy talk with my oncologist and the oncology nurses regarding the feelings I had Monday, I came home and thought. From the day of my diagnosis - the day of the very first lumpectomy for biopsy, I have been told how extensive and aggressive the cancer was (is). I was told then that the prognosis wasn't good, but with treatments they had now, I could live much longer than people used to. So, this has been an acceptance since day one. The hope was that the chemo, rads, surgery would remove the cancer. The reality was that it would probably metastisize somewhere else. Since this is not a new realization, I can't really put Monday down to sudden awareness...it has been my reality for over 2 years. Once the shock of diagnosis had worn off, I realized that I have two choices...I can jump from God's hand and start dying; or I can continue to let God carry me, and live in spite of the cancer. We all will die one day; my edge is that I know it is likely to be sooner rather than later. To find the positive side of things in all this - I have been able to let my loved ones know I love them. I will not die; my body may cease to exist, but I will continue living in the minds and the hearts of those I love. And I will remain humble and not smirk when I set my feet in paradise first.
Now - I am feeling quite normal...and once again, painless! Even the digging has worn off, so this morning, I woke up with heartburn, not pain. hehehe My poor tummy is getting it's shot of poison with the cytoxan and the caffeine. After the infusions yesterday, I ran home and picked Barney up and we went to the pharmacy. I got home in time to meet the neighbor for lunch, so we had a beautiful, windy, sunny afternoon to sit outside and eat pizza and sip sodas while we yacked the day away. Got home (feeling the effects of the steroids) and had to remind myself that I had already eaten. I was so proud! I only gained one pound of the six I lost back over the last week. I would like to see a continuing downward spiral though.
The news on my bloodwork was very exciting for me! My blood counts were good - Woo Hoo - no Neupogen shots! I was very concerned about that. All my counts were good, but he does have a concern about my liver function so will be keeping an eye on it. With an onc like mine, I will get the very last mile, that's for sure! He watches things like a hawk, and jumps in to treat if need be!
From the first day of my diagnosis, I have been accepting - by God's grace I have accepted my diagnosis, treatment, restaging, remission, and the new mets party going on with a whole new round of chemo. I started my CMF a week ago today, 21 Apr 09. With the Prednisone, Dexamethasone and Benadryl premed, the MF infusions, and the daily Cytoxin, I just keep on going and going and going. Smiling my way through, accepting that which I cannot change, determined to go as far as I can. Well, not sure what's happened.
Friday was my first pain free day since 12 Apr 2007. Yesterday, I even got out and gardened a bit - today, I feel NORMAL pains of doing work that I am no longer accustomed to. But yesterday was something else. I asked my onc and the onc nurses - could I be having a psychotic break? Is it side effects of chemo? What is going on? I felt rage...a very dangerous rage and one that scared me because I was going to act on that rage. I put myself in the bedroom and shut the door - warned my husband that if he wanted to live, to leave me alone. Kept myself from the new puppy, because I just wanted to smash it over and over against the house. These were not just imaginings or thinking of things to relieve the rage...it was something I so easily was beginning to act upon. I removed myself, which was a good thing. The onc and the nurses feel it could very well be a psychotic break and that I was fortunate enough to recognize symptoms and stop the actions. It could also be a side effect of the chemo. It could also be, that for the first time since this all started, I realized THIS was the rest of my life.
What is 'THIS'? Doctor visits. Chemo. Remission. Doctor visits. Chemo. Remission. For how long? How long do I want to keep treatments going? Every time the mets pop up again? Actually, right now, I do have an answer to that question - for as long as I don't have the pain! And if chemo with mets stops the pain, I suppose that it will be the cycle til it just don't work anymore or I am cured. LOL
Anyway - I do have a door open if I feel the need to talk to a counselor. But, it is going to be interesting to see - if this is a side effect of the chemo, along about next Monday I will be on the phone to the oncology clinic giving them the symptoms I am feeling. If it's not the chemo, then we will work from there - maybe up my antidepressant or antianxiety.
I'm still not sure. LOL
It was another pretty day yesterday. Got my infusions and start my cytoxan this morning. So far, knock on wood, the chemo has given me no side effects. A little information about the chemo combo CMF:
CMF is an acronym for the three-drug "cocktail" I'll be getting. This particular combination is unusual in that it's been found effective for women with both node-negative, and node-positive breast cancer.
First off, here're the names of the drugs that make up the acronym: cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan); methotrexate (Amethopterin, Mexate, Folex); and fluorouracil (5FU). How do these three drugs work together to kill cancer? Basically, each attacks your cancer cells in a slightly different way. "C" attaches itself to the cancer cell's DNA, which then gets tangled up and is unable to replicate itself (sneaky!). "M" prevents cells from using folic acid, a vitamin that's critical for their growth and development; without it, they die. And "F" is made up of molecules that look very much like the molecules in normal cells, but they're structured slightly differently; this very small difference is enough to keep cells from functioning properly, once "F" makes its way into them. And when cells can't function, they die.
So, since I live in a perfect world, this is the way things will work. LOL
708 days after my first chemo infusion (17 months after the last chemo infusion), I am starting the new chemo today. Fortunately, this time around I have an idea of what to expect. We took off yesterday morning so I could get a hair cut, the first one since my hair came back. Feels good to have it short again and will definitely be easier to take care of.
I couldn't decide which picture I liked better, so decided to post them both. I like the first one for the ghostliness, but the second for the detail.
It seems like I am having a hard time thinking about anything else besides this chemo! I don't know if it isn't expected to damage the heart, but I have not had MUGA Scan - which he may insist on before I get started on the chemo. Any way, I will see how it goes in a few short hours.
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